confusion

so i have been thinking...i know this can be dangerous...


why is it that as a child of God and follower of Christ - those who have recieved the most grace and unabiding and unfailing love be the same ones who love so little and judge so harshly those around us...why, if i am being covered and spared by Christ's blood and am loved unconditionally is it hard to accept for myself or pour out onto others? how can we who have recieved so much love from You, be the same ones who lock up our hearts from the rest of the world...

why is it that the ones you have spent so much time and thought into intricately forming and creating be the same ones who try to change or hide or be ashamed of who we are...who you made us to be...me to be...we are our own worsts critics...why if i am truly and wonderfully made, do i have a hundred thoughts or more in a day critiquing myself as to how i should change to be someone different? do i even think about how the critques of myself hurt the you as my maker???

why do we as christians hide more behind masks than any non-believer i know? why does it feel like churches are one of the most unaccepting and judgemental places for a non-believer?

i struggle, because as a christian i believe that i should not only live vibrantly in confidence of who i am in Christ...but i should also be one of the most accepting, gracious, loving and forgiving persons of this world...i mean i am freely loved and accepted as i am this moment - good, bad and ugly.

let’s be honest here...when one really thinks about all this it makes no sense...we are loved yet withhold love...we are accepted yet push away acceptance...we have been bestowed grace and yet judge...we are wonderfully made yet strive to change...

i know that these are some bold and broad accusations...but again can anyone honestly say that since they have become a one of God's own they have not struggled with one of the above? i don't know it just causes me to wonder...