confusion

so i have been thinking...i know this can be dangerous...


why is it that as a child of God and follower of Christ - those who have recieved the most grace and unabiding and unfailing love be the same ones who love so little and judge so harshly those around us...why, if i am being covered and spared by Christ's blood and am loved unconditionally is it hard to accept for myself or pour out onto others? how can we who have recieved so much love from You, be the same ones who lock up our hearts from the rest of the world...

why is it that the ones you have spent so much time and thought into intricately forming and creating be the same ones who try to change or hide or be ashamed of who we are...who you made us to be...me to be...we are our own worsts critics...why if i am truly and wonderfully made, do i have a hundred thoughts or more in a day critiquing myself as to how i should change to be someone different? do i even think about how the critques of myself hurt the you as my maker???

why do we as christians hide more behind masks than any non-believer i know? why does it feel like churches are one of the most unaccepting and judgemental places for a non-believer?

i struggle, because as a christian i believe that i should not only live vibrantly in confidence of who i am in Christ...but i should also be one of the most accepting, gracious, loving and forgiving persons of this world...i mean i am freely loved and accepted as i am this moment - good, bad and ugly.

let’s be honest here...when one really thinks about all this it makes no sense...we are loved yet withhold love...we are accepted yet push away acceptance...we have been bestowed grace and yet judge...we are wonderfully made yet strive to change...

i know that these are some bold and broad accusations...but again can anyone honestly say that since they have become a one of God's own they have not struggled with one of the above? i don't know it just causes me to wonder...

training day :)

yesterday, we started our coffee training...we played with the espsresso machine quite a bit...and we drank more coffee than i can even measure out...can i just say that i will prbably be addicted to the stuff before the month's out! is this a good thing? i'm not sure how i feel about it...but i am excited about becoming barista :) soon i will know almost all there is to know about this coffee business...crazy huh?!?

just so you know...that is what a "good" espresso is supossed to look like...this is the easy part too...

then comes the not so easy part...adding the steamed, foaming milk...lets just say we all need a little practice...sil and i decided to buy a gallon of milk to perfect our steaming/foaming ability...

well that's all for now...more to come soon as we get closer to being open...

at the airport

hi all!! here i am...waiting at the airport in portland...waiting to board my plane and come home. and i have to say, that i am excited!! i am excited to see the chicago skyline as the plane lands tonight...i am excited to sleep in my own bed...i am excited to see and spend time with people i love and care for and haven't seen in a week :) i know it has only been a week...but still i missed them very much! and i am excited to start my new job on tuesday...
this last week was such a blessing :) i got some very much needed rest. this week was completely stress free...no worries whatsoever...something i haven't had in a long while and i am grateful for it :) tif, my old roomate from wisconsin, and i had a great week together...she was a great blessing too...it was so nice to spend time with her and catch up and see how life has been treating her and what not. we went out and celebrated new beingings in a unique way...let's just say that i marked this transition in my life...(you might be able to see it in the picture...if not you'll understand when i see you all)
i am ready to take on this next step in my life...and where it might lead i haven't the slightest clue...but i am expecting great and marvelous things...oh, and i am sure that there will be hard things in there too...cause let's be honest how else would i grow...we all know i can be a bit stubborn :) anyways...please keep praying for me during this time of transition and what not...that i will contiune to seek out God's purpose in the everyday and the here and now...thank you all...see you when i get home...have to run i will be boarding soon!