what makes my heart break...

i woke up this morning sad and hurting...all i could think about were students i've known and students i have yet to meet...i think about how with each generation these kids are being forced into adulthood earlier and earlier...i think about all the broken homes and broken hearts...how the trend is less and less focused on families and more focused on self...how do i take care of myself? what's most important for me? and so on and so on...with each passing generation students are faced with harder and unbelievable issues...with each generation students seem to neglected more and more...with each generation the attitude of students becomes more and more apethetic...being a kid and being excited for what life has to offer is being exchanged for just getting by and finding ways to numb oneself from the harsh realities of life and having to go it alone...ask a student who their support system is and you will be suprised by their answers...you will hear things like, "my friends" or "i don't have/need one" you might hear "my family or my church" but this is rare...the older generations are suppossed to be investing in these younger generations...we are suppossed to be preparing them for life...but we ignore them, reject them, are repulsed by them...there is this great divide between the younger generations and the older ones...neither really understands the other...and neither really wants to...the older feels disrespected and the younger feels rejected...this is what makes my heart break...this is what makes me sad...i heard an unbelievable statistic the other day...someone said that ever 16 minutes a teenager takes his/her own life...suicide is more prevelent amongst teenagers than any other age...again at an age where hope of life should prevail...there is nothing they feel is worth living for...they have their whole life ahead of them...yet for them that is a painful thought filled with dread...how sad is this? are we willing to help bring change? what can we do?

questions

there are just no words to describe what is going on inside of me. there is so much pain and anguish all around me and within. i can't make heads or tails of anything right now. i am second guessing everything i once knew. or thought i knew...all i know at the moment is that life gets harder and harder as you move forward. whoever said being an adult was fun must not have been an adult and should be punched in the face! i have so many unanswered questions. i'm told that i just need to let go and let God have it...i need to trust Him more. will i ever trust him fully? will i ever trust him enough? i don't know if i am capable. i just don't understand why we/i have to go throguh so much hurt. i don't know how to glorify God in it. i don't know how to deal with it or cope. i just hurt...i shut down...i ask questions...i have a compulsion to find out why...to gain some sort of undersatinding of something...i long for something tangible that i can hold onto. but i feel like i continually come up empty. yet when i think back to all i have gone through in the past and i see how God's hand has brought me through each of those events...i'm ashamed of how i struggle so. i should be the most trusting and hopeful person after seeing all the miracles God's hands have performed...after acknowledging and seeing how God has taken care of me why do i question him now and doubt or get angry with him? it really makes no sense when you think about it logically. for being an analytical thinker, i'm not very logical at times. ironic huh? don't ask me...i don't know why my brain works the way it does. i'm just torn and confused and broken and worn down. and i don't know what to do about it...i know what not to do about it...but that only helps me so much. it's time for the next step...any ideas asto what that is?

don't forget to smell the roses...

I was in the process of writing an e-mail to a friend this morning...and this title hit me..."don't forget to smell the roses." Then I remembered something one of my friends told me earlier this week - "Sarah, walk." You know that whole 'be still' concept...well I kinda suck at it. If I'm not doing something then my mind goes into overdrive...it spins with everything I'm not doing and should be doing or want to be doing. I forget to thank God for the wonderful things He has done for me today...I neglect to wonder at His glories all around me. I am trying to find ways to 'smell the roses.' I don't want to go through life not having expeirenced it. So, what do I do...well this week, I try to walk to work a little bit slower...i close my eyes and feel the sun...I look around at the trees, the sky, the mountain and let my breath get taken away.
You know I read somewhere about how children can spend hours marveling on one seemingly insignificant thing...to have that childlike wonder again...and oh, how we as adults push that mentality away. We have to hurry...no doddling...come on, lets go now...it's hard to remember to smell the roses or even want to when you get rebuked for it, whether by someone else or even by your own self. Someone asked once..."What are we all running to anyways, why are they in such a hurry."
When you get caught up in the business of the day ask yourself two questions...(1) Why am I running? (2) Did I smell the roses today?

Purpose...what a dreaded word

I have been in Southern California, working at Pine Summit Christian Camp for almost two months now. A few of you know that when I got here I entered a time of confusion, transition and insecruity. This camp has been up for sale since before I came...when I got here I was told that their was a serious buyer. Then I was informed that I might lose my job fairly soon and be coming back home far before planned. To say that this transition and my time thus far has been hard would be a great understatement. I struggled and battled with God..."Why did you even bring me out here, if I am only going to turn around and go back home? What is the purpose? What is my purpose here...what am I to do in such a short period of time? I can't do what I thought I was coming here to do?" And so on...
Tension, stress and anxiety have run amuck...God has been challenging me to live one day at a time...I mean really live and obey...So this past couple of weeks I have been going through this cycle of living and obeying for the day and leaving the rest in God's hands...to freaking out - "Lord, what's my purpose here? What am I doing...what am I suppossed to be doing...I feel like a failure."
Which brings me to today...yesterday I gave a book to someone who was brought to mind kinda out of the blue. To be honest I felt a little silly doing it...why would they want to read this book...they don't have enough time on their hands, etc. Despite these things I gave it to him. Well today he gave it back after finishing it late last night. Though he did not agree with everything in the book God used it to encourage and help him...and he shared that with me...I wasn't expecting this...
Something so small and insignificant in my mind...but it is what God used...so I started again to think about purpose...and I remembered this blog and what it stands for...what my journey in life is suppossed to be focused on...I am called to love others...I am called to be sensative to the Spirit's leading...I am called to serve those around me...if I do these things God will take care of the rest...He will use who He's going to use, how He's going to use them, all in His time. I don't rest enough in this truth...this is what I am learning.
So, I post my first blog of 2008 talking about purpose...I may not keep up with this daily, weekly or even monthly...and I don't expect you to check this that often...but when it is time for me to write, I write...who knows what purpose it might serve...if any...but I have to be willing to do it anyways...even if I don't understand the reasons...

whatever is true...

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of respect, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if something is excellent or praiseworthy, think about these things,"(Phillippians 4:8).

a few years ago while i was working at timber-lee christian center, i had a mentor who challenged me with this verse. she encouraged me to take every thought captive and hold it up against what i know to be true...it is amazing how incredibly hard this can be at times. i'll admit that one of my biggest struggles in life is being confident in who God has created me to be. i know it...but i don't always believe it...i am at constant war within my own mind of what is true and what isn't...some days the lies are easier to spot...and some days i just really don't know what the truth is...

so why am i telling you all this...well, this morning i had a customer tell me that i was incompetent...boy did that srike a nerve...it hurt...it's NOT true...and yet it gnaws at me...and frustrates me...how could he say something like that? why do i automatically second guess myself? why am i so apt to believe the lie and have to fight so hard to trust in and believe the turth? it just doesn't make sense...and so is my plight...the source of my fristration and anger at the moment...and thus the need to vent and the purpose of this post...

now that i have vented...and now you know my struggle...i just want to ask you for prayer...i am weary of this battle...i know i am God's child...i may struggle, but i am not incompetent...i don't always think before i say or do something, but i am not dumb...pray that i will continue to grow in confidence in God's truth...in who i am...i have come a long way since that time at timber-lee...and that is a praise within itself...i just need to contiue to hold on to and fight for the truth...

relief

for the past week and a half i have been struggling and battling with being anxious...anxious about what i was doing, going to do, how i should act, etc. basically, between changing jobs, moving back home and re-evaluating relationships, i have been tossed into a sea of unknowns...and if anyone really knows me, i don't like not knowing - just being honest. so i wonder, have i made the right decisions, what else do i need to change, what is my role in the family, how should i act toward this or that person now that the relationship has changed...and so on...
and again for those that know me, once my brain gets going it just snowballs...i have a very difficuly time shutting it off...so i am left with lack of sleep and constantly second guessing myself...which then lead to frustration and anger becasue i just don't know what to do or think...and though i would try to hold onto what i knew to be Truth...after a while i could barely distinguish what the Truth was...
throughout this time i also battled with giving things up to God and leaving things in His hands...as much as i wanted to and tried i also wanted to control and figure things out...not a very good cycle...nor trusting...but it is where i was at...
but today when i woke up something clicked...changed...i still didn't have answers to all of these questions...but today it was ok...i didn't need them...i had peace despite all these uncertainies...
do you ever wonder in the midst of times like these what's the point? like, why am i really here...is it just to get through the muck of the day...or is there more...
i was thinking about that last night due to a movie i had just watched - freedom writers- (excellent movie by the way)...and some things i had been reading lately all started coming together...giving me purpose/drive inside of this time of uncertainty...there is more to this life than these transitions...i was reminded of the bigger picture, and all of my problems becaame less of a burden...i don't know how to describe it really...it just happened...
i know that transition and change are apart of this life...and though it still kinda sucks to be in the middle of it...that is not all there is...i am here on this earth to be loved and have a relationship with God and love others with that same unabiding love...my purpose is to seek out the kingdom of heaven and let God use me if He so chooses to reach out to others for His kingdom...i am God's child bound for heaven...and though i still have to work my way through this rough transition and live life here on earth my home is in heaven! i know this can sound like a sunday school answer...but for the first time ever this concept is more than jus an answer...it has become apart of my life really truely...
so i have peace...i have relief from the burdens i have been carrying for the last few weeks...today i am ready to move on and let God do what He is going to do...
it still amazes me how something so simple is soo hard to grasp...let alone believe and put into practice...crazy huh?!?

can't sleep

so it is 3 in the morning...and i am wide awake...what the crap is that all about?!? i truely don't understand...i really dislike not being able to sleep...not going to lie...
so how does one be productive this eaarly in the morning? does one really have to be? i sure don't feel up to it...but yet at the same time i feel anxious/jittery...oh well...
with all this in mind i thought i would share about yesterday...yesterday we had our practice day at bebe's coffee house...friends and family came in...we practiced our drink making ability and learned how to make sandwiches...it was fun...tomorrow we open officially!!! i can't believe it...if it were tomorrow i would be getting up shortly anyways, thus being awak at this hour wouldn't be that bad...but today when i don't have to get up until 7:30...well i am sure you all can understand...
i think i am done babbling...hope you all are sleeping well tonight :) i will catch up with yous later.

confusion

so i have been thinking...i know this can be dangerous...


why is it that as a child of God and follower of Christ - those who have recieved the most grace and unabiding and unfailing love be the same ones who love so little and judge so harshly those around us...why, if i am being covered and spared by Christ's blood and am loved unconditionally is it hard to accept for myself or pour out onto others? how can we who have recieved so much love from You, be the same ones who lock up our hearts from the rest of the world...

why is it that the ones you have spent so much time and thought into intricately forming and creating be the same ones who try to change or hide or be ashamed of who we are...who you made us to be...me to be...we are our own worsts critics...why if i am truly and wonderfully made, do i have a hundred thoughts or more in a day critiquing myself as to how i should change to be someone different? do i even think about how the critques of myself hurt the you as my maker???

why do we as christians hide more behind masks than any non-believer i know? why does it feel like churches are one of the most unaccepting and judgemental places for a non-believer?

i struggle, because as a christian i believe that i should not only live vibrantly in confidence of who i am in Christ...but i should also be one of the most accepting, gracious, loving and forgiving persons of this world...i mean i am freely loved and accepted as i am this moment - good, bad and ugly.

let’s be honest here...when one really thinks about all this it makes no sense...we are loved yet withhold love...we are accepted yet push away acceptance...we have been bestowed grace and yet judge...we are wonderfully made yet strive to change...

i know that these are some bold and broad accusations...but again can anyone honestly say that since they have become a one of God's own they have not struggled with one of the above? i don't know it just causes me to wonder...

training day :)

yesterday, we started our coffee training...we played with the espsresso machine quite a bit...and we drank more coffee than i can even measure out...can i just say that i will prbably be addicted to the stuff before the month's out! is this a good thing? i'm not sure how i feel about it...but i am excited about becoming barista :) soon i will know almost all there is to know about this coffee business...crazy huh?!?

just so you know...that is what a "good" espresso is supossed to look like...this is the easy part too...

then comes the not so easy part...adding the steamed, foaming milk...lets just say we all need a little practice...sil and i decided to buy a gallon of milk to perfect our steaming/foaming ability...

well that's all for now...more to come soon as we get closer to being open...

at the airport

hi all!! here i am...waiting at the airport in portland...waiting to board my plane and come home. and i have to say, that i am excited!! i am excited to see the chicago skyline as the plane lands tonight...i am excited to sleep in my own bed...i am excited to see and spend time with people i love and care for and haven't seen in a week :) i know it has only been a week...but still i missed them very much! and i am excited to start my new job on tuesday...
this last week was such a blessing :) i got some very much needed rest. this week was completely stress free...no worries whatsoever...something i haven't had in a long while and i am grateful for it :) tif, my old roomate from wisconsin, and i had a great week together...she was a great blessing too...it was so nice to spend time with her and catch up and see how life has been treating her and what not. we went out and celebrated new beingings in a unique way...let's just say that i marked this transition in my life...(you might be able to see it in the picture...if not you'll understand when i see you all)
i am ready to take on this next step in my life...and where it might lead i haven't the slightest clue...but i am expecting great and marvelous things...oh, and i am sure that there will be hard things in there too...cause let's be honest how else would i grow...we all know i can be a bit stubborn :) anyways...please keep praying for me during this time of transition and what not...that i will contiune to seek out God's purpose in the everyday and the here and now...thank you all...see you when i get home...have to run i will be boarding soon!

moving day

hey all!! how's life been treating you? how have you been treating life? life and i have wrestled a bit in the last couple of weeks...but that's a good thing...it has made me be decisive and make some important decisions. so i thought i would take a brief moment and let you all know what is going on...
well, yesterday was my last workig day here at dickson valley camp. part af me is sad to be done...but i know that it is just time to move on. to what you might be asking...good question...in a week i will start training at a local coffee shop that will be officially opening up march 12th. bebe's coffee house...all must come and visit if you can...the joint is looking great and will be quite the hang out :) i am excited for the change of pace...for a long while i had been thinking about how fun it would be to work in a coffee shop and now here is my chance...don't get me wrong, my heart is still geared towards camping ministry...i am just at a crossroads and don't know where to go with it right now...so i am looking at these next couple of months as a sabatical...time to recharge and refocus...so as to be prepared for whatever God will call me to next. i am aso praying that during this time God and i can reconnect on an intimate level...i'll be honest...i've been worn out these last couple of months and He has been getting my bare minimum...i know it's true and i'm not going to lie...
so today is the big moving day! i will be moving out of my apt. here at camp and will be moving back home for awhile. tomorrow i get to take a trip to oregon - i've never been there before - and visit tiffiny my old room mate from timber-lee...then when i come back i jump into a new schedule and atmoshpere...
please pray with me during this transitional time...also pray that during this time at the coffee shop i will be able to reach out to people that don't know the Lord...that God will provide me with many opportunities to love on and build relationships with many different people coming and going from this shop. thank you :) love you all!!!

encouraging words

i know that this is unusual for me to write within such a short time...but i really wanted to share about my weekend...so this weekend at camp we have one group in...pni...this group comes out to camp every summer and winter...and through my time here i have come to know and cherish various different people in this group...well, i have been struggling with remembering my purpose for being here...i'll be honest, lately i have been going through the motions...doing what i know i need to do but longing for that passion i once had...and throughout this weekend God has used the leaders in this group to encourage and refresh me...God has used this time to show me a glimpse of what He has done through me during my time here...and i was just blown away...i think that many people much like myself have a hard time remembering, let alone seeing the bigger picture...and when we forget about that picture and only see what is right around us day in and day out we miss out on something joyous...something i don't even know how to explain...we can lose our drive to make our part of the picture vibrant and unique...we fall into conforming to what's around us because, let's be honest, it is easier...we don't have to think about it or go against the flow...and just end up floating along...that is where i have been...but God is stirring something within me...something that hasn't been awaken in awhile...i don't know how to put it into words...i don't know if there are words for it...but please be in prayer for me...
again i just wanted to thank you all for your encouragement and prayers as of late too...it has done wonders for my soul...really and truly...thank you sooo much...and my prayer for all of you is that God will encourage and bless you all as much and more than He has used you all to bless me...i hope you all have a wonderful week :)

(side note...i met this pretty great worship leader this weekend...his name is thomas dickerson...we had a nice chat about being filled with Jesus and reaching out to those around us in a non-conforming way...anyways, he has a huge passion for seeking those who don't know Jesus...i mean really know Him personally...and he has been blessed with the opportunity to start off in the music business...it is through a new secular publishing company...but God has some neat things in store for all those involved...it is exciting for him...all this to say, he has a cd coming out soon..."calling all nations"...look for it...i think you will enjoy it.)

neoteny

"And He said: 'I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.'"
Matthew 18:3-4

Neoteny is "the retention of youthful qualities by adults." Qualities like: curiosity, playfulness, eagerness, fearlessness, warmth, energy, open, willing to take risks, hungry for knowledge and experience, courageous, eager to see what the new day brings...Children know no limits...They can do anything...or at least try anything at least once...no hindrances...they are full of creativity and drive...it's amazing...

The sad part about all of this is that these qualities are repressed as they get older...society...the church..."authorities" begin to tell them/us that it is not ok to be unique...it's not productive to be creative...one must conform to the way everyone else does things...looks at things...just because this is what we do...what we know...so we become self-conscience...fearful...timid...we limit ourselves...we limit God...or like Mark Batterson puts it in his book In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day , "we become small people with a small God."

So what do we do??? We must come back to the truth that we have been created to have limitless dreams and imaginations to serve a limitless God with unlimited resources...to believe in this truth...to hold on to it with all one's might...can you even imagine the possibilities of what God will do??? I mean really...I know I struggle with seeing my God in that light sometimes... I allow myself to be limited...I settle with conformity in order to not mess with the status quo...I know I do...so what can I change...I can change my attitude...I must fight the battle everyday, sometimes a hundred times...to not worry about what others will say or think...but to be filled with the Spirit...to focus on what He wants me to do and what He thinks of me and really that is all that matters...

What am I trying to say in all this...well, I guess that as of today I am making it my personal goal and challenge to come back to those childlike qualities I was created with and live my life through them...not being limited...not being afraid of looking foolish in the world's eyes...so please pray for me in this process...I know I can't do this alone.

By the way...I wanted to thank all of you eho responded to my last blog...I was so encouraged by all of you...Truly and deeply...thank you very much :)

resistance

"Resistance is the derailing force we experience when we attempt any potentially good thing — a painting, an article, a marathon or a marriage. It strikes anyone who hopes to move to a higher plane — in relationships, spirituality, academics, creative work or business," (Stephen Pressfield, The War of Art).

Interesting huh?!? I read this article on boundless.org, talking about getting unstuck and striving for your dreams...and it got me to thinking...what resistance is in my life right now? what am i not pursuing because i feel and/or believe that it cannot be done? the first thing that comes to mind is camp...camp in terms of starting my own camp...starting my own traveling camp...where i go to the groups and serve them where they are at...actually the more that i think about this the more i see how i've let resistance reign in my life...ideally i would be meeting various different people where they are at and striving to love and serve them as God will allow me to. i've been holding back and making excuses...like, i just don't know what to say or do...or i haven't contacted this person in forever, what will they think if i do now, out of the blue? lately i feel as if i have been running on empty...barely able to make through what needs to be done in a day let alone anything extra...i guess that would be the bulk of it...the resistance in my life is the lack of energy and discouragement i feel...lately it has been so bad that i'm not even sure these "dreams" of mine are really worthwhile, in the sense that i am still called to strive after them...part of me is just not sure anymore...so what does one do?

beating resistance...
“It occurs when the boy who has been enchanted in the nursery by stories from the Odyssey buckles down to really learning Greek. It occurs when lovers have gotten married and begin the real task of learning to live together. In every department of life it marks the transition from dreaming aspiration to laborious doing." (C.S. Lewis)

take action...one must do something...anything really...just move...this is where i have been guilty...i haven't taken action in awhile...right now i am still trying to figue out what type of action to take...even if it be small at least it is something to get me moving agian..."an object in motion tends to stay in motion, while and object at rest tends to stay at rest..." that sort of thing...

so i guess in all this i would just be asking for your prayers...pray that i will take action this week...that i will fight resistance even if it is in something small and almost insignificant...it needs to be done...i wish i knew how to be more specific than this...i just don't know right now. i'm sure you all know how that goes :) thanks!

one last thought to leave you all with...
“If you were meant to cure cancer or write a symphony or crack cold fusion and you don’t do it, you not only hurt yourself, even destroy yourself. You hurt your children, you hurt me, you hurt the planet,” Pressfield writes. “You shame the angels who watch over you and you spite God Almighty, who created you and only you with your unique gifts, for the sole purpose of nudging the human race one millimeter further along its path back to God.” (Stephen Pressfield)

caution

this is our host van..."the nicest camp vehicle" we have on camp...

this is a guard rail that you pass coming into the main part of camp...

this is what happens to "the nicest camp vehicle" when the host has had a long day and it is very late and one gets a bit too close to the guard rail when leaving the main part of camp...

this is what happens when the maintanence man and the boss man find out about the little accident a week later...

any questions?

catching up...

so summer is long gone...and fall is well on its way...and before we know it...it will be winter...crazy! Does anyone else think that time moves faster the older you get? well, time might be speeding along...but my blog seems to ease ever so slowly into the present day...sorry about that...i think that part of me is still trying to catch up from the fast and crazy...but great summer...by now i should be close...it is mid-october and all...seriously :)
since my last post i have been readjusting to "normal" life...i guess...is life really ever normal??? (i'm starting to think no) anyways, here at camp april (my room mate) and i have been getting heaps accomplished around camp...we have been able to fix and improve on some of our activities and lodges...it is exciting to look around and see all that has been done in just a couple months...and even more exciting to envision what we can accomplish over the next 7 months before next summer. i would say that in the realm of camp things are going spendidly...
i however, have been a bit antsy lately...not too sure why...i guess i have a lot going on in my head right now...but then again what else is new?!? i would love prayer through this time of discontentment...thanks...
on a happier note...God has granted me with a few different opportunities to brush off some old skills and serve... i have had the opportunity to work for kendall county outdoor education center as a teambuilding facilitator and help run my church's high school fall retreat. it was soooo much fun...and watching God work through the teens was great! i forgot how much i enjoyed doing these things...i think i would really live to do them full time...if God would so choose...one day maybe...
God is letting me continue to grow in relationships with the groups that come out here to camp...the groups that come over and over agian...it is neat to see how they have changed over the last year...i love getting to know each group and spending time with them...again all those 'cultures' are great...it keeps me on my toes and keeps me thinking...God is also letting me serve in both the junior and senior high youth groups at church. God is stretching me while working with the junior high...for He has me leading music for the junior high group...meaning i am trying to play the guitar and sing and lead...something i am not too confident in...but God is guiding me through...and i am learning...for the first time i did a solo with my guitar and a song i learned from new zealand...it was over the fall retreat...did i mention i got really sick for a little over a week and went in and out with my voice...yet God blessed me with a voice when i needed it...and it went fairly well...i only screeched a little bit :)
i also just started reading messy spirituality by michel yacconeli (sp?)...the book is about christian facades and what we define as spirituality and what spirituality might 'really' look like if we were being real with one another...instead of pretending that everything is fine. it is not easy being real...being real means being vulnerable...being vulnerable means one might get hurt...or that one might not be accepted...but we are called to be real...to be vulnerable...God loves us each as we are right now! He loved us before we even knew Him...and think of who we were then...so why do we find it neccesary to achieve perfection now...to hide what is really going on in our lives from each other...and sometimes even Him. sometimes i wonder if anyone truely understands the power of the body of Christ...i know i don't...but i am learning that there are amazing blessings and power in this body...if only we could...if i could learn how to use it...i'll let you know how the book turns out...
well i should run now...it is friday night and we have two groups coming in shortly...and i am hosting this weekend :) hope you all have a wonderful weekend! more to come soon...

summer goodbyes

look at this motly crew :) pretty hot stuff if you ask me :) this was our summer staff...three have left us to go back to school(tom on the far left; peter in the middle; and emily sitting behind peter and i) and one more will be saying goodbye on saturday(daniel on the far right)...sad day :( camp is going to be so quiet without them...and if any of you are reading this...i just want to say that i miss you heaps and thank you for one of the best summer''s i have had in a long time. :P you all are amazing and God has used each of you in more ways than you can possibly know. wade(front) and april(front) and tim(2nd to end on left) and i are here for the long hall. we will be the crew to push forward throughout the fall , winter and spring. i'm excited for the opportunity i have to work full time with them. we all have a lot of different visions for this upcoming year...i'm am stoked to see God work thorugh each and every one of us.

culture shock

out here at camp we get such a wide spectrum of groups. groups that are from the inner city, or suburbs, or even the boonies. groups that are conservative and groups that are liberal. we attract various denominations...ethnic groups...and so on. diversity is the word to use when describing the groups that we serve here at dickson valley camp. watching these groups come and go over the last year, i have seen that these groups have an established culture...with that in mind, i start to wonder if these groups attract a particular culture or if these groups create this culture.
culture defined: "the predominating attitudes and behavior that characterize the functioning of a group or organization. the totality of socially transmitted behavior patterns, arts, beliefs, institutions, and all other products of human work and thought."
according to this definition i am led to believe that culture is created and taught...interesting...what do you think?
but then to some this is just random nonsense...what's the point of all this culture talk? well, i think back to some of the groups that have stayed here and remember thinking how odd some of them were compared to what i knew and had experienced. i remember being curious about why these groups did what they did. i remember struggling with know how to react or just act when coming into conact with groups that seemed so foreign to me. then i started wondering why i was so afraid to learn about these different groups...to ask questions...talk about their faith...and so on...sometimes i fear that i have missed out on wonderful opportunities to learn and grow by being so comfortable in my own little culture and not being very open to or accepting even to other cultures.
the other thing i find interesting is the need some people see to convert others outside of their culture into one's own. where's the line between tolerating and accepting another's culture? i think this comes into play because of fear and lack of understanding of other's cultures.
so i guess all of this babble is to challenge myself and even you to learn to be inquisitive of others' cultures...find out what makes them tick...why they tick that way...what makes you similar...what makes you different...does any of that stuff really matter...can we love those so different from us as Christ loves us??? i would love to say that i got this market cornered...but it is not the case...i am still learning to look outside my bubble...to not be afraid travel outside my bubble a bit in the relationships i seek...to not put up walls...to not just surround myself with people just like me...i mean how boring would this word be if that is all there was...God created us to be diverse...shouldn't we celebrate in our diversity and seek God in the diversity of others?

...still waiting...

...waiting...what exactly does this word mean...well according to the merrian-webster concise school and office dictionary, to wait is to "remain inactive in readiness or expectation." to remain inactive...well there is something i am not particularly good at...me be still?!? that is one discipline i am still working on. what exactly would one be waiting in expectation for...well for those few faithful bloggers, one might be waiting for the day i actually update my post...some may be waiting for mr./mrs. right to come falling out of the sky...some might be waiting for God to open up the sky and strike you with lightening to hear what God's next step is for my life...a rare few might be waiting for school to start...and then there is me...waiting for this group to come upstairs for a hayride and camp fire an hour and a half over due...so i wait...
what exactly is one to do when one waits...well sometimes one must be still...sometimes one can pick up new tricks, like twiddling one's thumbs in various ways...one must always be patient...oh, that's a hard one too...one can read a book...catch up on e-mails...post a blog long over due...etc.
...still waiting...a discipline...God calls us to wait in life more times then i particularly care for (i'll be honest)...but HE knows best...His timing is perfect, always and forever...so what will i do...i will wait...i will wait on the Lord for He is my stregnth...i will wait for mr. right...i will wait for the group to be ready for their activities...i will be patient...and will take up as many new tricks of the trade/little hobbies as necessary to keep myself from going too crazy...as i wait in expectation of what is to come :)

quarentined and craziness

summer has come at last!!! for the last two weeks i have been involved in summer staff training/bonding (or as we have come to affectionately call it staff "bondage"). we are gearing up for our busy summer season here at dickson valley camp. and despite the sarcasm...i really have enjoyed the time i have been able to spend with this summer's staff. we have a phenomonal team :) i am excited to watch God work through this community this summer! things have been a bit chaotic...but after tomorrow it will all start winding down (well winding down for summer anyways). tomorrow is one of my dearest friend's wedding...i can't believe she is getting married...then she is moving to nebraska...crazy...i am truely excited for her and incredibly extatic for her...but at the same time i am going to miss her like none other :( but that is life...life is full of change...and if it wasn't how boring would that be.
speaking of change...guess i should let you in on how God has changed the direction i have been heading in latley. first off, as of right now i am not pursuing school full time. up until sunday i was pursuing an internship with a program called leadertreks. this was a two-year program based out of wheaton. this program worked hand in hand with youth groups, building leaders by planning, preparing and running wilderness and mission trips...and some other stuff to boot. i had an interview and was all stoked about going. that is where i wanted to be...but God has other plans. i found out sunday morning that i did not get that position. so now i am not sure as to what God has in store for the future. i was disappointed and yet joyful that God had answered my prayer by closing the door. to be honest, since sunday i haven't thought too much about what i should pursue next...part of the reason being i have been too busy to do so...oh, well. i did however, get an e-mail from the director of the camp that i worked at in new zealand. he asked if i wanted to come back for their summer season...i could use some prayer about this...i just don't know. i have a huge desire to go back...and yet i am torn...so who knows...only God...and he will tell me when the time is right. :)
on a different note...my new found roomates/flatmates are GREAT!!! emily and april...all of us girls are hosts for the summer. emily is originally from africa...her parents are missionaries over there. currently she lives with her brother in new york during the school season...april is from south dakota...she has moved to dickson for the long hall...she will be staying on full time after summer is over. also, we got another full time staffer...a mantainence man to be percise. tim, he is a wonderful addition to this fine community. as to the rest of the staff...tom p. is still working here and is humorous as always...peter (emily's brother) also from africa and is the youngest on the team...and daniel another one from africa...this whole group has very much a take charge attitude...again i expect GREAT things from this summer to come.
what else can i share...um...well my birthday is coming up...not too long from now and i will be 22...wow...did this year fly by...oh, if you think about it i would love some prayer on this whole adventure weekend i am trying to put together for the jr. highers at my church. i have a few interested teens...now if i coule only get them to commit...just pray that God's hand will take over the whole thing. whatever happens, happens...and God will be glorified for it! :) well i should stop babbling...i hope all is going well with you...let me know what is going on in your lives when you get the oportunity...hope to hear from you all soon. :)